The oil tank got filled today. Filled. It is metaphorical really because the state of the oil tank mirrors the state of my life a lot of the time. I think about a time where the thermostat was set to 55F because it had to be or else we wouldn't make it through the winter. Tracy and I rented a farmhouse in Burrville and raised our children in the country like we always wanted to. In the summer it was peaceful, starry nights, swingsets, big dinners, room to run, pet the cows. In the winters it was cold and we were reminded that we could be doing better or at least if we could walk around our house without a blanket then we would be doing well.
I did not grow up in poverty. I grew up more in the realm of latch key, salvation army, stand up for yourself or get walked on, and how to make something out of nothing.
It is funny how certain perspectives take place given some situations. After having Luke and raising him by myself, we scrapped by most of the time with not a lot. I was worried that Luke would know how broke we were, it was bad enough that he was a boy with only a mom, but add in poor and I would just feel down right guilty. This all changed one day when he brought home a boy from school for a sleepover. He was showing this boy our house and I overheard him saying "yeah, we are rich.". I did a double take in my head and kept listening, Luke was telling the boy that we had a large house and I made good dinners. It was the first time I was clued in to what Luke thought about our life and I was kind of shocked. My view was half empty, his was half full, or, all the way full...
So, fast forward back to now, the oil tank is full. It is cold out and we are no longer scrapping. I think Luke still believes we are rich, at least that is what I assume from how many times he asks for money every week. I am just going to bath myself in the words that bring me great comfort and satisfaction in this life...the oil tank is full.
